Announcing the second annual Gävle Goat “Death” Tontine
christmas time is here; where?
Hello beloved readers,
You all know that my favorite part of the holiday season is the almost inevitable demise of a 40 foot tall straw goat somewhere in Sweden.
I am, once again, not in Sweden to witness the opening ceremony. Someday I will be. Until that day comes, I will run the Gävle Goat Death Tontine for all of you to enjoy. I am opening the game to my Substack followers here first.
Click here to play! Share the link with friends as you please.
Here are some questions you may have if you’re a newer reader, or if you’ve somehow forgotten this key fact of my personality.
What’s happening?
Every year, the tourism board of a small city in Sweden erects a giant straw goat. The people of this city frequently burn it down or otherwise destroy it, despite the best efforts of its constructors. You can read the hilarious and annually updated Wikipedia page about this phenomenon. Last year it was slowly pecked apart by birds, which feels cosmically rich.
What is a “death” tontine?
Death is in quotation marks this year to emphasize that no actual death is being wagered on here. Merely the burning of many tons of straw in the shape of a Yule goat. This is a kind of symbolic death, a cleansing, a bright blaze in the blue dark winter.
A tontine is a sort of financial investment scheme which makes bets on a person’s life. They are not legal, really, except for when they’re pretend like this one. This is just a silly betting game, but it is inspired by the now-complete Henry Kissinger death tontine, which raised money for reparative organizations in areas most devastated by US imperialism.
You can read the full rules of this game in the form linked above, but the winner of this game gets to pick where all the money is donated. Will it be you?
Why do you care?
You should go back and read last year’s post too, but basically, I read about this on Tumblr when I was in college and became obsessed with it. I think it’s so funny and emotionally resonant. Sharing it with people I care for is my favorite holiday activity.
Link one more time for you crazy folks reading to the end: https://tinyurl.com/gavle-goat-tontine
Sincerely, and with all the Christmas cheer I can muster,
Gab